The Great Commission Doesn't Give Adults License to Override a Child's Agency

plus the GBBW: Jesus' ascension

Happy Friday! Today, the Great Big Bible Story Walkthrough is turning the corner from Easter to stories of the church carrying on. Today: Jesus’ Ascension and the Great Commission.

Today’s rant about how kids deserve agency essay is free for everyone to read, and if you’d like access to the resources for kid conversations (every week there’s a story paraphrase, wonder questions, game and prayer idea, plus an awesome little commentary page to give you background insights), you’ll want to join the Kids + Faith Community for just $30/year.

“...you will receive power when the Holy Spirit has come upon you; and you shall be My witnesses…” - Acts 1:8 -

There are some adults just determined to defend indoctrinating children as biblical, and the Great Commission and related ascension passages are often cited as a defense. It fries my cookies. But the logic is that Jesus said ‘make disciples’ and therefore we adults, especially parents, are ‘raising tiny disciples’.

Respectfully, no.

So, to sum up a lot of research in one sentence:

Kids need presence and process in order to have a healthy relationship to faith (and its various elements-like the BIble, church, and of course, to God Themself) but the adults who offer that to kids cannot guarantee any particular outcome, even though they wish they could.

You cannot control a child’s faith. You can control (ish) the faith culture you offer and cultivate. And children aren’t tiny disciples. They are kids, and, importantly, whole, image-bearing people. And we honor the image of God in others. You may very well be a disciple. But the way this actually works is that we adults are following Jesus and inviting kids in in intentional ways so that kids can, in time, decide if God can be trusted.

These same defenders of indoctrination are often prone to the logical fallacy that if one does not aggressively teach kids to “hold a biblical worldview” (to use George Barna’s term), they are doing nothing.

The choice is not to either disciple a child with approaches that override their agency or else do nothing. And these same stories show part of how we can do the better thing, on both ethical and practical levels.

So let’s revisit these stories of Jesus’ final moments on earth, because when we move beyond the narrow view of disciple-making, we actually see 4 things kids do need.

Kids need stories.

A witness simply retells what they’ve seen, heard and experienced. They are storytellers. Jesus was not then, nor is he now, changing witness to mean defender of concepts and ideas about me. He was naming: you have a story to tell about what you’ve experienced with me. So tell it.

And if your faith story is messy–aren’t ours all, in their own way?--take heart.

Kids need to hear about faith struggles.

I’m beginning to think we need to notice and name how the Bible tells on our so-called heroes more than we do. They struggled. Matthew 28:17 says that at the ascension “when they saw Him, they worshiped Him; but some were doubtful.”

Matthew needs an editor. Doubt at this moment is a bad look, after all.

But it’s honest. So it’s included.

Kids can sniff out overly tidy faith, for one. For another, they need to see that our faith can handle questions, curiosities and doubts not because we always have an answer but because we can hold those things together for as long as it takes.

Kids don’t just need us to say, “I used to have a hard time with X, but it’s all better now.” How long did that last? Months? Years? You still do today? Say so.

And what helped? Again “but then I read the Bible/head one pastor say one thing and it’s all better now.” No really, what helped? Friends who listened well? Books or podcasts with new ideas? Taking a break from stressing about faith? Whatever it was, share that.

And speaking of those helpful things when we have struggles…

Kids need help with shades of grey.

Developmentally, kids are inclined to black and white thinking, but as they grow, they start to be able to hold competing ideas, nuance, and shades of grey. You can help them by naming the grey part of a life of faith.

I’m currently revisiting some research from George Barna¹, who famously released data in the early 2000s about how most Christians decided to follow Jesus before age 13. He’s still working on kids and faith research, and I think he and I may not agree on some things. (I’ll write more about that once I’m through.)

For now, I want to name how he reflects a common thought: kids have the “strongest” faith when they adhere to absolutes about things like absolute moral truth existing, the Bible being the primary source for it, and obedience to the Bible being the purpose of life. (These are some of his terms).

It’s a wall-building paradigm.

I think that, especially when we account for how emerging adults describe their faith journeys. Kids need help with how our faith works in light of how complicated the world is. Absolutism fails them because it doesn't account for reality.

They need a web-weaving paradigm, because it can hold tension about topics while being held tightly by God.

[Walls and webs come from my book, Woven: Nurturing a Faith Your Kid Doesn’t Have to Heal From]

Like, what moral and ethical ideas help a country decide on immigration policies and practices, given that throughout most of the Bible the people of God wandered a borderless land and when Jesus came the land was under occupation?

Like, what moral and ethical ideas help a family decide how to shop when there may not be enough money but the company with the most affordable goods is kinda awful but you need stuff, given that throughout most of the Bible there was no internet shopping?

Stuff’s grey. The story of the Bible helps us be good critical thinkers about grey stuff based on who God is. And then, of course, we aren’t alone.

Kids need practice noticing the Spirit’s movements.

Before the people get going on this whole ‘be my witnesses’ thing, God’s spirit comes to them and empowers them. “...you will receive power when the Holy Spirit has come upon you; and you shall be My witnesses…” - Acts 1:8 -

[The activity of the Spirit was, by the one, was one way they sorted through the shattering of the black and white idea that God moved in the Jewish people and not the Gentiles. The Spirit fell upon the Gentiles and they went, ‘Huh, look at that. Super unexpected. But also kinda not. Guess we better change.’ But also, they spend a ton of New Testament time in the grey of how that looks–circumcise them? No? Eat together? No?]

Absolutism tends to overlook the ongoing process (at any age) of learning to notice the Spirit of God in us, in our communities, and in the world. More than adhering to predetermined absolutes, kids need help from adults to practice connecting and aligning with God’s Spirit. Is God is moving? What could I do next if so? Is it ok if I guess wrong?

Adults don’t ‘make disciples’ by telling kids what ideas about Jesus they must adhere to. They help kids get to know Jesus, offering presence and process. They tell stories, share struggles, help name shades of grey and notice the movement of God’s spirit.