Kids + Faith + a Changing Season

decide what stays and goes when life shifts

Aug 02, 2024

Note to my winter 2026 self: the plan during the Olympics is to Olympic. Nothing else. Don’t pretend you’re going to “get stuff done”, unless by that you mean flail about in excitement as you cheer at the screen or try to learn how unfamiliar sports work.

Schools apparently also need this note. How dare they ask us to think about going back to school while there are races being swum and run, objects being thrown or shot at goals and targets with extreme force?

Nevertheless, the season is changing, and with it, likely, some of our family rhythms.

Let’s talk, then, about cultivating your family faith culture when your season of life is changing.

What is “Family Faith Culture”?

Family Faith Culture refers to the combination of unique habits and practices that help you live connected to God and what God is doing in your life and the world. It captures how your family lives your ordinary life joyfully and sustainably, aligned with God’s character, but expressed in your own creative way.

Family Faith Culture is nurtured over the years as you engage in specific practices–practices that you pick based on things like your personalities, values, culture, context and, as we’re looking at today, season of life.

In other words, since faith is not formed by adhering to a set, one-size-fits-all protocol, you get to adjust what you do along the way. Far too often I hear from families who struggle through a major change trying to force themselves to fit the mold. You don’t need to. The mold doesn’t really work anyway.

Instead, when your family’s season changes, revisit the practices you’ve been doing and think about what you might like to try.

Your big question is not “how will we get it together to do the “good Christian family” stuff?” but rather:

What will help us live our regular lives together, noticing and responding to God, now?

Answer in ways that are joyful, life-giving, and sustainable. And answer for now, knowing it doesn’t have to be forever.

The things you did before now? You might keep them or quit them.

The things you want to try? It might be time or they still need to wait.

To answer that question, here’s one approach:

Name and Narrow

Name and Narrow is a multipurpose approach for any season, using Back to School as our example. But I also did a version of this for Summer Break back in June 2023. That’s what great–it can work any time your family is experiencing a changing season in your lives, whether that’s back to school, summer break, the holidays, a sports season. But it also might be something like the season where you move homes, take care of a health issue, leave a church, or change jobs.

Name the season ahead
Name your options, using the 4 big things that create a family faith culture as a guide.

Narrow it down to what fits best for right now.

Let’s flesh this out a bit.

STEP ONE: Name your season

Describe the changing season ahead. What’s happening? What’s coming? What’s ending?

This could be brief–school is starting–or detailed–we are going to be changing sleep schedules, learning how to get everyone breakfast and out the door, and adding after school routines into our days.

STEP TWO: Name your options

Use the 4 big categories that create family faith culture as a guide. As a reminder, they are:

1. Rituals & Traditions:

Rituals are the small things we do daily/weekly/monthly that point to who God is. Traditions are things we repeat, but with less frequency than our rituals.

For more on ritual and back to school, read this:

Rituals, School Days, Family Warmth

Meredith Miller

August 8, 2023

Read full story

2. Experiences:

The things our kids or families do or are a part of over the course of growing up. These may only happen a time or two, like a camp or family trip. (They may also be about your culture or community rather than an event. For instance, my kids have the experience of being part of a multilingual school.)

3. Relationships:

The people our kids know and are known by, who function as faith cheerleaders on their journey.

4. Biblical Exploration:

The opportunity to explore the Bible and respond to God.

(That’s the fly-over; I dive deep into this in my book, Woven.)

For each of these four:

What are you already doing? List them.
Look at the list. Decide: keep or quit. In other words, how well has each thing been working for you? Do you think it’s a fit moving forward?
Is there anything new you aren’t doing, but might want to try? List them out.

Lists aren’t your jam? Here’s another way to go about naming your options.

8 simple questions to nurture your family’s faith culture:

Finish the sentences:

In this season, [i.e. Back to School*], we usually _______________________ a lot.
I love how every Back to School season we…
This fall, one part of creation I want to visit or explore is… (mountains, creek, ocean, wildflowers, forest, lake, local park)
One part of creation my kid(s) want to visit or explore is…
I’m looking forward to…
My kid is looking forward to…
I’m grateful God is…(pick 1-3 attributes)
Right now, my kid’s favorite grown ups are…

*again, you can swap out the season.

Now, like a teeny-bop magazine, let’s decode your quiz results!

Questions 1 and 2: What if you built on the things you already do to foster family warmth and reflect God’s character?
Questions 3-6: What if you made one simple connection between that activity or place and who God is? For instance, being in nature points to God’s care, creativity, power, and love of beauty.
Question 7: For the attributes you named, is there a Bible story or two that highlights that trait? What if those were the main stories you explored this season?
Question 8: What if you planned some time for your kid to be with or talk to the people you named? If they’re local, maybe that’s breakfast or ice cream. If not, maybe they play a game remotely.

STEP 3: Narrow it Down

Because the goal is to live your regular life in joyful and sustainable ways, connected to the love of God, you need a realistic approach to nurturing family faith culture.

Notably, realistic often means less.

So after you name your options, narrow down. You could:

Pick 1 thing you’d like to keep or try for each of the 4 categories this fall.
Pick one category to focus on and have 1-3 practices you’ll try within it.
Start with your daily schedule or look at the calendar, and match your favorite 1-3 practices to a good time/day.

Remember: faith is formed for young people far more by rhythms and cultures than any one particular practice.

Your family faith culture goes far beyond any set chunk of time. It’s about how your family lives a beautifully ordinary life receiving God’s love and imperfectly practicing reflecting that love to each other and those around you. The categories are themes from research to guide, like flexible ingredients you can combine to create so many delicious flavors.

You get to choose, and you get to change. Over and over, until you find something you like.

UNTIDY FAITH PODCAST

I was a guest on Kate Boyd’s Untidy Faith podcast, talking about Reading the Bible with Your Kids After Deconstruction

Listen Here!

And if you want some help with that, you can join the Kids + Faith Community for the Great Big Bible Story Walkthrough.

FAQ: If I join the Great Big Bible Story Walkthrough, will I be able to see the stories that already happened?

YES! We’ve now done 25 stories, and they are all accessible anytime someone joins the GBBW. It’s $30 for the year, and if that’s not in the budget for whatever reason (and I’ve very much been there), just reply and I’ll get you set up for free.

May God give you space and time to think about the season you are in, creativity and wisdom as you think about what you would like to do next, and courage and peace as you make it fit your actual kid, your actual family, your actual life.

Amen.

Kids + Faith