Kids + Faith + Communion

my 4 INs and OUTs, plus scripts to try

As we dive into Kids + Faith + Communion this month, I asked what you’d like to cover, and the overwhelming response was 

1. when are they ‘ready’ and 

2. how to explain it to different ages of kids

So that’s what we’re going to do!

Growing up, my church celebrated communion once a month, and if I ever thought about why that was the schedule, I called to mind things I’d heard about how taking some weeks off “kept it special.”

Working at Willow Creek was the first time we were part of a church that didn’t seem to care much about communion. It happened maybe quarterly, and if ever the infrequency was challenged, the response related to the logistics of serving communion to an auditorium that seats 7000 people (especially when thousands of those seats were empty). Over time, it became my opinion that it also wasn’t celebrated because the things it represented were not valued by that particular church's leadership.

When our group started the little church I pastor now, we decided to become a community that celebrated communion every week. Once a month that looks like a combination of the typical small bites of bread and juice, followed by a full meal. 

All the other weeks, for Church on Zoom, it looks like people taking whatever they have in their home and making it sacramental. We say, “If you have something bread-like and something wine-like, go ahead and grab it now.” The practice is led by a variety of people, not just my co pastor husband or myself. 

The juxtaposition between ritual and casual delights me. The weekly rhythm has allowed us to look at just one of the many facets of communion at a time, which ends up highlighting just how many there are.

I share this mainly so you’ll know a bit of where I come from, because while I can respect our wide differences on communion, I can’t not be who I am theologically or in my personal story, and my ‘Ins and Outs’ will reflect that. Thankfully, communion has always been a ‘many beautiful ways’ practice.

THE INs + OUTs OF COMMUNION FOR KIDS

#1

IN: Exploring the Bible stories that accompany communion

OUT: Using lots of fancy theological jargon about what it means

Communion can come with a buffet of fancy theological jargon–elements, words of institution, transubstantiation, intinction. Instead, try plain language at their level. You can build on it later, including key vocabulary for your tradition.

Bible stories are often a more age-accessible onramp than ideas or practices alone. So give kids the chance to explore the Bible story of the last supper:

• Ask what they would choose to eat and drink at a special meal.

• Wonder together: What do you think they were thinking when Jesus said the words “this is my body” or “this is my blood.” Do you think that felt strange to them? Or do you think it made sense?

• Connect the dots between the Last Supper to the Exodus. (This Ask Away episode does just that.)

• Connect the dots between other bread stories or Jesus’ “I’m the bread of life” statement. Bread is in so many stories–why do you think that is?

#2

IN: This is a family meal

OUT: Making this a ‘just me and Jesus’ practice

This was something I had to unlearn from my younger years, where my youth group especially promoted a hyper-individualistic faith, including communion. What made it special was the “just me and Jesus”-ness of it. I was told communion was a time to personally evaluate my relationship with Jesus and be sure I was taking it seriously enough.

However, many faith practices are personal without being individualistic, and they can be personal and communal at the same time. Communion was a group meal from the beginning, a new practice rooted in Passover, a formative event for God’s people as a collective. Covenants–including the one Jesus establishes in the Upper Room–are collective agreements between God and the people of God, who have always been represented with the metaphor of family.

When communion is “just me and Jesus”, kids are often kept away because they don’t have “enough” of a relationship with Jesus yet. But when communion is a family meal, kids are welcome, as part of the family, to join in, knowing that their role in and relationship to that family will change as they grow.

#3 and #4

IN: Letting kids participate in communion when they show interest.

OUT: Keeping kids away from the table because of an outside rule rather than a discernment about their readiness.

and

IN: We learn about and grow into communion’s meanings over time and as we practice

OUT: Acting like we learn best by loading up on information that we have to memorize

When it comes to kids and communion I frequently hear some version of “Kids need to understand communion BEFORE they begin to participate in it.”

But if that’s true–and I’m not sure it is–we have to follow up with:

• What, exactly, do kids need to understand? and

• How will we know they have that understanding?

The minimum qualifications for “understanding communion” vary widely by church and tradition. For Catholics, there’s a process leading up to a very special first communion, because kids need to understand that this is Jesus’ actual, literal body and blood through miracle. For others, it might be that a child needs to understand Jesus’ death on the cross. Some say kids need to have made the choice to follow Jesus. If something like that is important for you or your tradition, then you’ll want to give time and space for lots of questions to get things started.

Too often the idea that kids need to meet an understanding criteria before participation leads to giving kids a ton of information to memorize in order to demonstrate they’ve met that criteria.

Downloading information is not how people learn best, and if we hope to help our kids understand communion, the way to get there is to practice it and talk about it as we do.

The doing brings the learning. We all grow into what communion means as we celebrate it.

Children grow to understand communion AS they participate in it.

Remember the Woven Faith principle of something true, at their level, you can build on later? Communion is a great practice for this principle.

Because of that principle, I opt for lowering the “understanding” threshold to simply these two, knowing we can and will build as we go.

• There’s a story: this is a meal that Jesus gave us.

• This is a tradition: this is a special practice for our faith communities.

SO, WHAT DOES COMMUNION MEAN, IN KID-SPEAK?

OPTION ONE: BY AGE

Here’s how I explain the story and tradition, in kid-speak, to various age groups. 

Ages 2-4

Jesus ate a special meal with his friends. He gave them bread to eat and wine to drink and they shared it together. As they did, he told them to eat and drink together and remember him. That was a long long time ago, and people ever since, all over the whole world, eat and drink and remember Jesus.

Ages 5-8

Right before Jesus died, his disciples celebrated Passover together–the meal that remembers God freeing the people from enslavement in Egypt. This time, though, Jesus added new meaning to the tradition. He said the bread was his body and the wine was his blood–meaning that he was giving himself to make people free a lot like how God had first freed them. And then he told them to keep eating and drinking and remembering him together. So we have bread and juice now as symbols of the same meal. 

As we eat, we remember back to Jesus, and we also look forward to a time when Jesus promises the whole world will be healed and fully good again.

Ages 9-11

The tradition of communion comes from Jesus’ last meal with the disciples, and what’s cool is how it has lots of meanings and lots of stories connected to it. 

So, for example, there’s the story of that meal, of course, but also that meal was Passover, so that’s the story of Exodus. But also, God fed the people in the wilderness, and Jesus calls himself bread another time, then says the bread is a symbol of his body. Or even think of how God gives the people festivals to celebrate and remember together, and then this is like a mini festival, a feast for God’s people to celebrate and remember.

Communion has sad parts, because it happens as Jesus is about to be killed. Communion has happy parts, because it helps us look forward to the hope that Jesus offers for the whole world to be restored–which just means that where things are broken, they’ll be put back together just right.

OPTION 2: BY DIFFERENT LAYERS OF MEANING

There are many, many layers for communion, so, in addition to the ideas above, here are four more you could talk about together. (I don’t mean all at once, of course, pick just one a time.)

Communion Looks Back: We remember Jesus

At the last supper Jesus said, “Do this in remembrance of me.” We eat bread that reminds us of Jesus‘ body, and we drink juice that reminds us of Jesus‘ blood. It’s like a mini meal that helps us remember Jesus together.

Communion Looks Forward: We have hope that things will get better

At the last supper Jesus said “I will not drink from this fruit of the vine from now on until that day when I drink it new with you in my Father’s kingdom.”  Every time we celebrate communion, we look forward to a future where the world matches God’s dream.

Communion is a Family Meal: It brings God’s family together

God has always invited people to be like a family to each other. We get to live together in ways that match what God’s like. Communion is like our family meal, reminding us how Jesus brings us together.

[Older kids? You could add: In fact, one time a church leader got really upset with a group who got together for communion, and they did it as a full meal. But when they did, the rich people in the group ate and drank more and the poor people were going hungry. And we have this letter from the leader to the group saying, This isn’t OK, this isn’t how families should work and this doesn’t match being a family based on who Jesus is.]

Communion Tells Our Story: It reminds us who we are

At the last supper Jesus said “This cup is the new covenant in my blood which is shed for you.” Covenants are like super-promises God makes and always keeps. God made covenants with God’s people all along, and this one brought them all together. We eat bread and drink juice to remind us: we are covenant people–people who practice loving God and each other and our neighbors, so the world can know who God is and how loved they are.

What’s been your experience with kids and communion? I’d love to hear!

-Jesus stories are here for The Great Big Bible Story Walkthrough!

This week kicks off 10 Jesus stories at the GBBW, and if you’ve wondered about joining in, it’s a great time to do it.

The GBBW is like a Kid’s Bible meets Adult Reference Guide: you get a Bible story paraphrase, wonder questions, a game idea and a prayer idea for kids. But it also comes with a hand-dandy commentary page for grown ups.

It’s all there for $30/year, including access to the 20 Old Testaments stories we’ve done so far.

-Woven in paperback and on sale!

My book turns one next month, when it will be released in paperback. That means right now the hardback is just $20 and the paperback can be preordered for for $14. It makes a great discussion group read (and I have a free guide for that!)

Woven Discussion Guide

1.1MB ∙ PDF file

Download

Download

-Want more on communion? This post talks about:

• What do I do with the language of “this is Christ’s body and blood”?

• Does it really matter if kids “don’t understand it“ before taking it?

• Do you feel that forbidding kids from taking it until they share their personal testimony is a good thing or a bad thing?

• Our child attends Catholic school. How do we explain that some kids receive communion while others don’t?

• Any tips for emphasizing the shared meal aspect of practicing communion?

• How can we encourage kids to take it seriously, but not be scary?

-Ask Away is now weekly

Ask Away is a Bible story podcast for kids that I make with my kids. As the GBBW began, my kids kindly agreed to doing stories weekly, so we have a very cool and always growing set of stories over there.

-Recent podcasts

I was a guest recently on the podcasts Gravity Commons and So, What Else? talking more deeply about faith and our kids if you’d like to take a listen.

“This is what God's kingdom is like: a bunch of outcasts and oddballs gathered at a table, not because they are rich or worthy or good, but because they are hungry, because they said yes. And there's always room for more.”

―Rachel Held Evans, Searching for Sunday