Happy July! I could not be more excited for the announcements in today’s newsletter! If you only have a minute, skip down! Go! Go!
Last week I revisited a core research theme that informs the work I do tremendously: moralistic therapeutic deism, from the work of Christian Smith and his team at Notre Dame. Here’s the post if you missed it.
One reason I advocate for a trust-based paradigm rather than an obedience-training one is simply that obedience for children often takes the form of prescribed behaviors. There are things to do that are obedient. There are other things to avoid that are disobedient. Various behaviors get place on a DO or DON’T list, with the reason being offered to the child as “because God says so” or “this makes God happy” or some such thing.
From here, it’s just a hop and a skip to a child learning that the substance of their faith is list management.
Kids should put their efforts into doing what’s on the DO list and avoiding what’s on the DON’T list.
Thus obedience becomes a moralistic project.
We have to understand the connection between starting a child on obedience and ending with, not a healthy, trust-based, grace filled relationship to God, but a kid who will work very hard to be very good until they are either
exhausted by the list management and resentful of the god who asked them to do that or
disillusioned by the fact that they were ‘good’ but pain or crises came their way and the god of moralism did not save them.
This is the big thing. The god of moralism can use the Bible, commandeer Jesus’ words, masquerade all they want, but they are not God.
And I want my kid to get to know God so they can discover if God can be trusted.
From time to time, I pull out sample statements from real resources to show how this sounds. So for today’s Bible Story Breakdown I actually have 3 stories, all of which got assigned takeaways that are a bit askew from the story’s meaning.
Let’s untangle the moralism from some phrases in the Laugh and Grow Bible!
On Babel: “Because the people disobeyed, God scrambled their words.”
Babel can be a confusing story, in large part because of all that’s not said. But the text never says a thing about obedience or disobedience. It says God did not want their plan to succeed and intervened. Notably, their plan and God’s dream are opposites. God’s dream of a full, flourishing world that is in harmony with and reflective of God’s own character cannot be realized through a people bent on staying put and completely self-glorifying projects. God scrambled their language because God never gives up on God’s dream for the world.
A better phrase for kids: God dreams of a world that works in a way that matches who God is. God scrambled their words because God won’t give up on God’s dream.
You might ask: What’s your favorite thing about God? What would it be like if the whole world was that way too?
On Solomon’s wisdom: “Wisdom helps me make the right choice.”
The biblical theme of wisdom is strongly connected to that which is life-giving. Wisdom leads to life. Wise choices are life-giving choices. What’s more, given that God is the source of life, the Old Testament especially would say that to seek God is to seek wisdom, and vice-versa.
A better phrase for kids: God is wise and loves to give wisdom to us. Wise choices are life-giving, for me and for the world.
You might ask: Can you think of a problem or hard thing in the world, near or far? Let’s pray for the people who can help with that to have wisdom–to come up with life-spreading ideas and make life-giving choices.
On Peter’s vision: “God loves us all the same. Why do you think it’s important to treat all God’s children the same?”
This one, perhaps, bugs me the most. While there’s a lot of cultural distance between Peter’s world and ours, the divide between Jews and Gentiles was akin to those created in our culture by patriarchy/racism/classism/etc. These are not solved by ‘treating each other the same’.
Peter, in eating with Cornelius, was not ‘treating him the same’. Peter was seeing that God was doing a new thing (and yet also, making God’s same dream more fully realized). God’s family could, and would, include anyone, and sitting at the table was Peter’s act of trusting God in that. And then, Peter and the others would have to face down the question: since they’re family, what do we owe them? The answer to that is far more than ‘treat them the same’.
A better phrase for kids: God invites everyone into God’s family, even people we would never expect.
You might ask: One thing that is true of kind, healthy families is that they care for each other. They help each other. Can you think of other ideas? If God is making us family to other people because of Jesus, what might that mean for us?
To sum up:
One way we pivot from contractual moralism to a trust-based framework is to practice God-centered storytelling, because our goal is not to ‘raise good kids’ who manage their lists. Our goal is to be with our kids as they get to know God, so they can discover that God can be trusted.
Read the Introduction and Chapter 1 now, free! My publisher has set up a link for you to have the beginning of the book arrive by email so you can start reading now!
Also, if you think you’re likely to buy the book (THANK YOU!) would you please consider doing it as a preorder before August 22nd? It’s in all the book-selling places!
We’re also getting all the preorder goodies that will come your way ready, so that’s fun!
The Exploring Affirming Theology Class returns next week! You may remember that I teach an interactive, discuss-not-debate class for anyone who would like to better understand the basic biblical and theological pillars of full LGBTQ+ inclusion in Christian life.
It’s 5 sessions in all, and for the first time I’m offering a digital cohort. I’ll also still host the live version via Zoom, but between timing/time zones and the required attendance, it was time to try a digital option too.
The Details
Live Class on Zoom
WHEN: Tuesdays July 11-Aug 15*, 6:30-7:30pm PST
*attendance at all 5 is mandatory to participate
HOW IT WORKS: Each class will include teaching, Q+A and group discussion. After class you’ll receive an MP3 and transcript of the teaching. Between classes, you can email me questions that we’ll include for the upcoming class.
COST: Free
Digital Cohort in the Kids + Faith Community
WHEN: Thursdays via email, with 2 optional live Zoom conversations on July 25, 4pm PST and August 17, 6:30pm PST. Those will be recorded and sent to all participants afterwards.
HOW IT WORKS: Each Thursday participants will receive an email with the teaching as an MP3 and transcript, along with a reflection guide. Questions and conversation will continue in the comments, which only be accessible and visible to other participants. You can also submit questions or topics you’d like to dive into more deeply prior to each of the 2 Zooms.
COST: $10 for Substack access ($5/month for July and August). Fun little bonus: since the cohort will run through the Kids + Faith Community, you’ll also get the weekly content that comes to members during the class season.
Just so you know, when you sign up, Substack will offer you the choice of $5/month or $30/year membership. Either will work for class access. Any Substack membership is pretty easy to manage and cancel anytime (though of course I’d love if you stayed and hung out forever!)
I’d love for you to join in, and you can forward this to a friend who may be interested. If you have a question, leave it in the comments.
(If you happened to not know I’m affirming, and if we must agree on that for you to learn anything else about God from me, kindly do not use the comment button to say so. Just unsubscribe with my full understanding and well wishes.)
One last thing I want to be clear on is that while you don’t need to be affirming to join, this class is for folks with a sincere openness to the possibility of becoming affirming. If you are non affirming and know you will not be changing on that, this is not for you. There are great books and podcasts for folks with a general interest in this topic.
May the God who offers life, not lists, help you more truly believe that Their yoke is easy, Their burden is light. May you find rest in your deepest being. Amen.
Awesome thanks!
Just pre-purchased 6 woven books for my grandmother friends/book club. Meredith, you are helping me build my own faith, AND introduce others to a God they can trust...not a faith of lists and walls. I am so thankful for you and your ministry to me and mine and so many others!