Kids, Faith, + Affirming Theology

a starter guide + the Exploring Affirming Theology series is back

I grew up, like many evangelicals, hearing that being gay was a choice and a sin. I don’t have any memories of robust conversation around the topic; it was just…assumed in many ways.

My own shift began in 2008, when California’s proposition 8 set out to define marriage in the state constitution. I worked at a mega church at the time where it was a hot topic. And I voted opposite of what we were ‘supposed’ to vote. I’ve since learned that many Christians in my area can trace their own shift to this same election.

Ultimately, I changed my mind slowly, and not because of any particular experience or relationship. I’ve spent most of my life in white-cultured, evangelical, suburban mega-churches. I’ve was always X% aligned and Y% quiet about what I really thought. (And not just on this topic). So I just kind of sat on my changed view.

It wasn’t until 2018 that I had to own, in any way that would have consequences, being an LGBTQ+ affirming pastor. We chose full inclusion for our church (a church that did not, at that time, actually exist yet). It narrowed our network and funding options significantly. It meant friends faded into silence (but were for sure talking about us.)

But then, in September of 2019, that church became real, and ever since I’ve had the joy of pastoring in full integrity, which is so much more fun.

Here’s one thing I’ve learned along the way:

A lot of folks like me want to be affirming, but don’t know if they’re allowed to. Can we be affirming and serious about Scripture? Affirming and fully committed to following Jesus? Is that really a viable option?

(If this is you, and you’d like a kind and curious space for these questions, the Exploring Affirming Theology series is returning, and all the details for that are below.)

What’s more if we have kids in our lives, we wonder how our approach to this topic and community will impact them? their friends? What will their story be when it comes to our family and loving queer folks?

And so…

For parents who want to explore faith, the Bible, and being LGBTQ+ affirming, a starter guide:

A few years ago I posted this guide with 6 basics that form my family’s life and language. Three focus more on psychology and science, three focus more on theology. As Pride begins, it seemed a good time to offer it again.

It feels important to say that this is far from comprehensive, and the queer community deserves our ongoing commitment to seeking their good as we continue to learn. As a straight/cis pastor, I invite any feedback or critique from my LGBTQ+ siblings and thank those who have contributed to this primer.

What is affirming theology?

A Christian view that LGBTQ+ people are invited to follow Jesus as they are and can do so while remaining queer, because they, like all people, bear God's image and queerness is not sinful. This includes serving in any church role, receiving full pastoral care, and, if they choose, marriage.

It starts with adults doing their own work.

Affirming theology takes Scripture quite seriously. The accusation of playing fast and loose with the Bible on this topic is ignorant and unfounded.

So to start, you'll want to dig into...

• the creation narrative + theology of the imago dei

• what sin means and how that impacts this question

• the 6 passages that speak to same-sex sexual activity in the Bible

• the lingering effects of complementarianism and patriarchy on our understanding of gender.

If you come from non-affirming spaces, this could be long, emotional, & costly. It can be helpful to remember that the experience is even more uncomfortable and potentially life threatening for LGBTQ+ folks.

So take your time, but do dig in. Again, the Exploring Affirming Theology series might be helpful to you.

While you do, focus your kids on love in action. Explain concrete actions and words your child can use that would be kind and respectful, and model them in your day to day life.

6 things we can share with our kids

Kids should hear that being LGBTQ+…

• Is a variation of normal, not a disorder, which is a leftover bias that remains from historical wrongs.

• Is how God made a person, not a choice a person makes arbitrarily. A complexity of factors makes us who we are when it comes to gender & sexuality, but science and the testimony of queer folks support that it's not “a lifestyle choice” like it’s been presented in many churches.

• Is not a binary. There are not just 2 boxes that everyone can be sorted into: straight or gay, boy or girl, etc. Gender & sexuality live on spectrums, and part of growing up is finding one’s place.

Kids should hear that LGBTQ+ folks…

• Bear God's own image. "God made us in God's own image! We all show that in different ways based on who God made us to be!"

• Are invited to follow Jesus and still be queer. "Jesus was so clear that everyone is invited to be his friend. He especially spent time with people who had been told they weren't wanted by God, to show that wasn't true."

• Make our faith communities better. "We are following Jesus together, and everybody's story helps us do that better."

Additional Resources

(Books are alphabetical by title)

• Changing our Mind by David Gushee

• God and the Gay Christian by Matthew Vines

• Reading the Bible from the Margins by Miguel De la Torre

• The Gospel of Inclusion by Brandan Robertson

• Torn by Justin Lee

• UnClobber by Colby Martin

• Walking the Bridgeless Canyon by Kathy Baldock

• GayChurch.org

• ReformationProject.org

• TransmissionMinistry.com

If you’re practicing affirming theology with the kids in your life, what would you add?

Are there things you say or do, books you’ve found helpful, or other ways you point kids towards loving queer folks because of our love for Jesus?

Exploring Affirming Theology is a 5-week series walking through of biblical & theological basics.

It’s for people who:

• have decided to love queer folks but avoided the Bible because they’ve only experienced it as a weapon, but now they want to revisit it.

• want to be affirming but have been told they can’t do that while taking the Bible or their faith seriously.

• want to feel more settled in the ways affirming Christians engage in theological thinking.

A caveat: This is a discuss-not-debate series—a humble, kind, and curious conversation space for those who want to love queer people well. You don’t have to be affirming to join. You don’t have to change your mind by the end.

However, a) you are not affirming and b) you are not open to changing your mind right now, this is not for you. You can read any of the resources above.

What we’ll cover:

1. Creation - Genesis 1-3

2. Scriptural Interpretation - aka We Have to Talk About the Bible Before We Talk About the Bible

3. The 3 Old Testament passages that mention same sex sexual activity

4. The 3 New Testament passages that mention same sex sexual activity

5. Life Together - Marriage and Church leadership

Although we stay focused in our scope, the comments section allows us to add to the conversation as we go.

How it works:

• Exploring Affirming Theology is a 5 week series behind the paywall each Monday in June. You’ll receive the materials right to your inbox.

• Each week has a 20-ish minute teaching, offered as both an audio file and written transcript, so you can listen or read. There are also some questions for reflection. After you listen/read, head to the comments.

• The comments section of each session will be private and serve as a space for questions, sharing stories, and talking about each week’s topic a bit more.

How to join:

• Update to a paid subscription for either $5/month or $30/year (if you’d like access to all the other goodies, like the Great Big Bible Story Walkthrough.) If you just want this series, you can unsubscribe at the end of month easy-peasy.

• If you’re already a paid subscriber, you don’t need to do anything. (And if you are, and feel like skipping this series, no worries, the GBBW will be a separate email each week still.)

May God remind you today that you are crafted with care and formed in belovedness. Nothing can separate you from the love of God in Christ.

Not questions. Not rethinking. Not changing your mind.

Do, then, with courage and confidence, whatever the Spirt invites you to do.

Let’s get started!