This is an excerpt, edited down for length, from chapter 4 of Woven: Nurturing a Faith Your Kid Doesn’t Have to Heal From, which releases August 22, 2023 and can be preordered now.
Plus! There’s an announcement at the end I’m really stoked about—don’t miss it! I also share about said announcement in a way that makes my tummy tight, so, maybe skip it on second thought? No. Don’t. It’ll be ok.
I taught my first lesson to kids when I was 16. For the 10 years or so that followed, I oriented every lesson I wrote or taught around one big goal: application. Every story was told with the goal of a kid doing one specific action in the week ahead.
To illustrate this, let’s use the example of David and Goliath.
God’s people, the Israelites, had gone to war with their enemy the Philistines. But for 40 days they had been at an impasse because the Philistines had offered a challenge: send your best soldier out to fight our own best soldier, in a winner-takes-all, man-to-man battle to the death.
One day David came to bring his brothers some lunch and heard the taunts from the giant. He approached the king and said, “Who is this man who insults our God? I will fight him for you.” David was brave. He gathered five stones from the stream. And then David courageously went out to face the giant.
Then David faces Goliath saying, “I come before you in the name of the God of Israel.” He loads the slingshot, sends a rock soaring, and down goes the giant.
Lesson: be like David. Trust God; be courageous.
And God?
God in this story is an observer, judging the merits of the various actions the human characters take. God is proud of David for being courageous and having great faith. God is disappointed with the Israelites for cowering at the Philistines.
In this model, a kid is supposed to apply what they heard by being like the human hero, courageous and ready to defend God’s honor.
But what if they don’t? What if they can’t? What then?
To be clear, the problem with emphasizing biblical application is not the desire for relevance, but how the tactic devolves quickly into moralism in the way it gives kids a clear, specific action item to do, prescribing the way they will apply a so-called ‘biblical principle’ to their lives. This makes the next step from the lesson clear and concrete, something every child is meant to do, often within the next week.
Examples of prescribed application include things like: pick someone in your family and do something to help them, or the next time you see someone being treated unkindly, step in and stand up for them. While of course these could be offered to kids as options or ideas, the more common occurrence in the model is for these next steps to be dictated to kids.
Children are better served by an approach that does three things:
enters each biblical story in its historical context first, instead of trying to mine the story for a timeless principle,
helps kids understand who God is, instead of focusing on the humans, and
invites them to respond to the story without a single prescribed application.
[Note: the chapter walks through them all, but for our purposes today, I’m jumping to #3, respond vs. apply.]
Let’s consider, as another example, the story of Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego. If we mine their story for principles to apply we come up with something like “You should stand up for God no matter what and God will always take care of you!”
But if we first enter the story in its context, we start with the backdrop of exile. This was devastating to God’s people, disorienting and confusing. When a conquering king takes over, that was seen as a sign that their god(s) were stronger than your god(s). The Hebrew people are facing the decision: do we continue to trust Yahweh God, even here? Even now? Or should we bow to the gods of Babylon, and Nebucahnezzar their king? Are those gods stronger?
The choice is: who will we trust to protect and provide for us? And standing up is the answer: we will trust Yahweh God of Israel. Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego admit they might die, but even so they’re making that choice to trust. Even if it doesn’t “work”, meaning that God does not save them in the way they hope, they aren’t going to change course.
This is important to the story: there are things about God’s character that these three draw upon to make their choice. The amazing display of protection offered in the midst of the fire is important, but they made the choice without knowing the outcome. They weren’t adhering to principles; they were standing on the trust they held in the person of Yahweh. We might ask kids: What do you think helped them decide what to do? What did they know about God? What stories were they remembering from the past?
Entering the story this way allows for the three men to be more than heroes. They can be scared. They can be confused. They can be unsure. They can remind us of what we all face when our circumstances make it feel like God is not powerful or present.
Instead of telling kids to stand, we can invite them to respond with times they’ve felt like these men must have felt. Have you ever felt like God was far away, even if you also want to trust that God is close? Have you ever had a time when things were bad, but you’ve also been told God is good? What happened? How’d you feel?
Embedded in those sample questions is the idea that the child is an equal participant in responding to the story and to who God is. Instead of a prescribed application, the conversation is oriented around helping a child take a next right step, without predetermining what that step will be.
Let’s jump back to our example story of David and Goliath. How does it sound when you explore the story using a God-centered storytelling approach, expecting that kids will respond to God after?
It might shift like this:
God’s people had spent the past 40 days afraid. They’d gone to battle against the Philistines, only to become stuck in what seemed an impossible challenge: face the Philistine champion in a winner-take-all duel to the death. And their champion was a huge, terrible, terrifying giant named Goliath.
But God is with us, even when things are scary and hard. The Israelites didn’t know it yet, but God was going to help.
When God is the center of the story, it’s ok to be afraid. The Israelites aren’t doing anything wrong; they are just being...people. You can ask your own child: what’s something that makes you feel afraid?
One day David came to the battlefield to see his brothers. He heard the taunts of the giant; he saw the fear in the army. And David remembered God is with us – like the time God had been with him when he fought a bear. David remembered that God is greater than anyone, even if it doesn’t feel like it. So, David said he would fight Goliath.
He gathered 5 stones at the river, then went before Goliath, and listen to what he says about who God is, “the whole world will know that there is a God in Israel. The Lord saves; for the battle is the Lord’s, and God will give all of you into our hands.” (1 Samuel 17:46-47)
David loads the slingshot, sends a rock soaring, and down goes the giant. God was with David. God saved the people.
You could ask your kid: What do you think David knew about God that helped him face Goliath while he was so afraid? Is there anything you know about God that might help when you’re afraid?
To sum up:
The key question of ‘apply’ is: what should I do this week to be like the human who was good/obedient/right?
The key question of ‘respond’ is: As I consider how God is X, or does Y, what would I like to say or do now?
Responses can look many different ways. A child might:
share a doubt or ask a question
make art, sing, or dance around
share how they're feeling and why
show kindness or care for someone else
try a Christian practice like lectio divina or imaginative prayer
talk to God
and, yes, at times
take a step of faith in action.
Let’s practice!
I asked for nominations of stories to practice this more together, so here are 4 more examples of telling a story for application vs. inviting a kid to respond, taken from your ideas on Instagram.
Jonah:
Apply - What is something you know you should do, but don’t always want to or like to? How will you obey instead this week?
vs.
Respond - God cared for Nineveh when Jonah thought they were too bad to be worth it. God never stops caring for people, no matter what. Is it easy or hard for you to believe God always cares for you, even if you do stuff you shouldn’t sometimes? Why or why not?
Prodigal son:
Apply - How have you been like the prodigal son, wandering away from Jesus? Now is the time to rededicate yourself to following him obediently.
vs.
Respond - Let’s draw the father and each brother and put thought bubbles above their head. What do you imagine each one was thinking or feeling? (They are made up characters in Jesus’ story, but Jesus hoped we’d connect with them, so we can use our imagination!) Have you ever felt any of these things? Then you might say: Jesus told stories to help people know something true about who God is. What did you notice about who God is or what God’s like in this one?
Woman at the well:
Apply - Tell others about Jesus, like the woman did after meeting Jesus.
vs.
Respond - God picks unlikely people. For Jesus to choose a Samaritan, a woman, someone who didn’t fit what her community thought she should be…it’s all surprising. Jesus doesn’t seem to care about those things, but he does care about her. Can you think of anyone who might feel hopeful or encouraged if they knew this about Jesus?
Esther:
Apply - Be brave, like Esther in confronting the enemies of God.
vs.
Respond - God isn’t named in this story, but the writer hopes we’ll see God’s fingerprints in it. We also see God’s fingerprints in our lives, in all sorts of ways. Let’s name some things that make us feel loved or joyful—those are all examples! You could also do one of those things together soon.
Remember, there are lots of great ways to respond, so you can focus on one for now, and do others another time. (And how to that is chapter 3!)
A Change to the Kids + Faith Subscription Community
I’m delighted to share that the yearly paid subscription rate has DROPPED! Yup! Two of the things that I didn’t know when creating the Kids + Faith Community was that
a) Substack does not allow you to charge less than the default $5 as a monthly rate, but…
b) you can drop your annual rate below the default to as low as $30/year.
And so when I launched, I just went with the default. But now I know.
So! You can now join the Kids + Faith Community for $30 for the year!
Why join?
You’ll receive (near) weekly emails that continue to unpack theology, offer Bible story breakdowns, and more. I’m in the comments there most of all, if you have a question or want to dive deeper. In time, I have plans for this platform to include courses and workshops, and to add audio content to the newsletter as well. Plus, if I make anything for the Kids + Faith Resource Shop, you’ll have a code for 30% off.
And if I’m totally honest, this whole topic feels weird and awkward, but here goes. By writing online, it might create an illusion that I’m not just a regular person who loves this stuff, who happens to have had these ministry jobs, who was born with a nerd-out-about-it temperament, who really loves writing. Instead, I become “an account”. Accounts make content. Accounts want to grow. Accounts monetize.
Worst of all, Accounts have Followers. I don’t want to be an Account. And you’re not a Follower. We’re all regular people who love our kids dearly and also cannot with that one song they scream-sing over and over. We’re all making a thousand pieces of toast, each with its own toppings in a precise and rigid ratio. We’re all hoping we live with grace that represents God’s heart.
The ickiness of Account dominated social media made it feel like if I ever asked people to help pay for this work, I was feeding into the unhealthy machine where people are either Accounts or Followers. Hard pass. But as things have evolved over the past couple years it’s started to become clearer that I can’t write and make all the things I hope to, as if this were a job, but for free, forever. AND. At the same time, I know I’m not owed the chance to do this with you for… not free.
I guess what I’m most trying to say is how wonderful it’s been for us to find each other and share this goal of nurturing a faith kids don’t have to heal from. I hope to do this for a very long time, and the Kids + Faith Community helps make that possible. If you’d consider supporting all this by subscribing, I’d be so, so grateful.
(Also, if you already joined at the old rate—thank you! We’ll send you a separate email with two options for what to do now. If you are a $5/month subscriber—now is a great time to switch to half price by subscribing for the year. As I said above, Substack won’t let me go any lower than that for the monthly option.)
May the God who gladly let Their story be told by ragamuffins around desert campfires, generation to generation, meet you in that story in fresh, delightful ways.
Amen.
I just recently found your Substack and I just want to thank you for today's post. I need to remind myself over and over to focus on God and what we learn about him, rather than trying to find applications or quick fixes. It's easy for me to get caught up in the details, and I know I neeed to make a conscious effort to not do the same with my kids. Thanks again for your timely message!
My daughter is only two but I am very happy for your resources!