Communion and Kids: 7 FAQ's

From 'being ready' to explaining blood...

Hi from South Carolina (or maybe North Carolina again, depending on when you read this.) I am on my last day of a trip to North and South Carolina to be with some churches and talk about Woven faith. It has been a lovely time, though my body is super zonked out by the whole time zone thing.

Today we are walking through a series of 7 questions from parents and pastors about our kids and communion. If you have one, we don’t touch on here, drop it in the comments! Let’s dive in!

Q: From a Kids & Family Pastor: We are moving toward practicing open communion once a month at our church and inviting families and kids to participate.

We’ll be teaching on it beforehand, but I've only ever extended communion to kids after a "profession of faith".  I'm embracing the idea of open communion.

However, I'm not sure how to explain the drinking the blood and eating the body of Christ to a wide range of kids. YIKES!

A: I can think of three things that might be helpful here.

First, give kids the chance to explore the Bible story of the last supper. Just enter the text with them in different ways, like asking what they would wish the meal would be, or, to your point, wondering together: What do you think they were thinking when Jesus said the words “this is my body” or “this is my blood.” Do you think that felt strange to them? Or do you think it made sense?

Second, the language that at communion we eat Christ’s body and drink Christ’s blood is one option of many for how we explain communion. You don’t have to actually tell kids that what they are doing. You could also lean into Jesus’s words “do this in remembrance of me.” You can say something like, “We eat bread that reminds us of Jesus‘ body, and we drink juice that reminds us of Jesus‘ blood. It’s like a mini meal that helps us remember Jesus together.”

Other important threads at Communion, like how it is a family meal or how it looks forward to a future where the world matches God’s dream, can all provide other language for kids.

Three, given that you’re in a Protestant context, it is really important to name clearly that this is a symbol. That matters in terms of taking down the intensity on eating a body, but it also matters in terms of why different communities practice a differently, or why we don’t need to be afraid of doing it just right. Symbols have layers meaning and we get to explore them overtime.

And that leads to question 2, from a parent: Weird concept to explain “this is the body, this is the blood”. My kids are real literal—HELP!

A: I imagine this is shared by others, because all kids have a tendency towards the concrete and the literal, especially in the younger years, and can move developmentally into the world of metaphor and symbol as they get older.

One thing you can do is help even literal kids, understand what metaphors are by using other examples of them. Bonus for silly ones.

So saying something like, “At the meal with his disciples, Jesus said ‘this is my body, and this is my blood,’ but he was just holding bread and holding wine. These were symbols; they were metaphors. If my bedroom was a complete mess, I might say ‘this room is a pigsty.’ But are there any pigs living in my bedroom? Of course, not! Because I love you so much, I might say ‘you are the icing on my cupcake.’ But you are not made of cream cheese and powdered sugar last I checked. And for Jesus, he was about to finish an important part of his mission by offering himself for all of us, and so he said ‘this is my body, this is my blood.’”

There were many questions along this line, so I grabbed two to sum up:

Q: Does it really matter if kids “don’t understand it“ before taking it?

A: My personal opinion is yes and no. No, we do not need to be superstitious about doing this meal just right. Yes, it is helpful to invite your kid to grow into what it means. No, they do not need to understand all of what it means before they begin practicing it. Yes, we keep helping them understand the story a little bit at a time, it is a perfect ritual and story for spiral learning.

For instance, if a kid is too young to know the story that we are remembering, but they are with you and giving them the snack makes your Sunday smoother, we don’t need to be superstitious about letting them participate.

If a kid is older, and depending on your theological traditions, you could do two things:

Let them participate. First explore the Bible story of the last supper, then simply say remind them of that and say “this is something we do when we remember Jesus.” Is there more to it? Of course. But sometimes people act as if kids need to understand every thread in the tapestry of communion, when really, this is a ritual that is repeated precisely so that we all—kids and adults alike—can explore its many facets and be continuously surprised by what happens when we are welcomed to table.

Ask them to observe. On the other hand, you could simply say, “this is a tradition for people who are followers of Jesus, and as you grow into deciding if that is something you want for your own life, then you can join us too. For now you can just watch.”

Observation is important too, in addition to participation. I think the key to asking a kid to sit out is to make it more about honoring the fact that they are in process, then about how they aren’t allowed because “it’s the rules.”

Q: Do you feel that forbidding kids from taking it until they share their personal testimony is a good thing or a bad thing?

A: So, there are traditions that practice what is called a closed table, that is, it is for people who have made a decision to follow Jesus, and sometimes done something symbolic to declare that decision, whether that is giving a testimony, being baptized, been confirmed. If that is your community of faith’s practice, then I would lean into trying to explain why that is, especially in terms of recognizing that, because we are not superstitious, you don’t need to do this until you’re ready to do this. You can point out how it is giving your kiddo however long they need to decide, they don’t have to do it just because everybody else is doing it.

For communities that practice an open table, that is, the meal is available for anyone who would like to participate, then, no, I don’t think it makes sense to ask a kid to mark some sort of decision. This is mainly because I don’t think asking kids to make a profession of faith is a major goal for childhood. If you have an open table, practicing communion becomes another ritual that helps a child get to know God in the long process of discovering God can be trusted.

Q: Our child attends Catholic school. How do we explain that some kids receive communion while others don’t?

A: As with many things in the Christian tradition, you say, “Different groups who follow Jesus practice that together in different ways. For our Catholic friends, they ask that communion be for other people who are also Catholic.” Then stop, and see if they have any follow up thoughts or questions. You may also add some thing like, “And actually, not every person who is Catholic agrees with that practice. Some people think it is important, because this is a meal for the church, and they see the Catholic tradition as the church. But other Catholics think that it should be changed to be open to more people.”

Again, how different Christian traditions practice things is a great topic for spiral learning. So say something true, at their level, then see what else they wonder about. Then end the conversation and know that you can circle back later.

Q: Any tips for emphasizing the shared meal aspect of practicing communion?

A: Start with the Bible story, and when Jesus says the blood is the new covenant, point out that the covenant is how God makes us a family. Communion is a family meal! Then, if your church eats all at the same time, invite your kid to look around and notice to the eat with. If your church walks to a serving spot, have a quiet conversation as you watch, others go up, noting that God makes us family, and here we all are doing this together, not just each one of us.

Q: How can we encourage kids to take it seriously, but not be scary?

A: I would actually like to ask: What if we worried less about kids taking faith practices seriously? Obviously, if kids are in the main worship gathering with a group, basic group respect is appropriate, but I think it’s OK for kids to not “take it seriously”. “Seriously” is often something adults are looking for from kids, and it doesn’t have very much to do with whether or not it’s meaningful. What’s more, the reality this meal points forward towards one marked with incredible joy, deep, relational, connection, celebration.

Ok, I’ll stop there! Let’s pick it up in the comments though. What else can we talk about together?