After Violence

how can we help our kids' theological interpretation

You asked: How do I talk with my kid about God in light of the recent gun violence?

Your kid asked: Why didn’t God help?

Dear friend,

How I wish there was a set of tidy answers to our kids’ questions about the hard things in the world. You and I both know there aren’t, and this is my offering instead.

I first wrote this in May of 2022, and am sending it again with a heavy heart.

-M

As we continue to help our kids interpret recent violence theologically, here’s the one big idea I’m unpacking with my kids:

Our country worships lots of things that are not God, and this is where that leads. Because God lets us choose who we trust and choose who we worship, those who choose to worship power can hurt others and cause suffering.

In other words, we’re talking a lot about idolatry. Because we are in a moment very like the world of the Old Testament prophets, where people wonder why God isn’t acting how they want or expect, but here’s what I want you to consider:

What they are actually experiencing is the failure of their idol to deliver its promised protection.

It’s painful, and people suffer, and in fact God’s deep and tremendous grief about that suffering is usually the reason the prophet has come. Idolatry always leads to suffering. It always leads to death, because the idols simply do not have the power to give life.

The primary assertion of the Bible is: Yahweh God of Israel can be trusted. Idols cannot. God offers life and God’s ways lead to life.

Idols offer life too, but they can’t deliver. Whether they be idols by the names of the gods of the nations or idols by the name safety, nationalism, personal freedom, or the perfect family. 

So the storytellers devote themselves to helping us see that this God is substantively different than anything or anyone a person could trust to protect and provide for them.

• The God who speaks a good and ordered world, not like the violence and chaos of the others.

• The God who puts Their own image into us all, not like the gods who’s only representative is the king. 

• The God who shares power with us so we can make the world match Their character. Not like the gods who demand service from humanity so they can be comfortable.

• The God who stops the arm of Abraham at Isaac’s alter, not like the gods who demand child sacrifice.

• The God who gives a law with careful details to protect the vulnerable, not like the gods who care most about the powerful.

• The God who sends fire on a soaked altar, not the like gods who ignored the wailing and self-harm of their so-called prophets.

The truth about all idols, whether from the Bible or our world today is this: the way in which they are worshiped always leads to oppression, injustice, and suffering. The manner in which one shows their devotion to them will yield bitter fruit, not simply individually, but collectively.

If someone trusts Molech to protect and provide for them, to send the rain and make the crops grow, the way in which they worship him is child sacrifice. Thus they will become a society who sacrifices their children.

If someone trusts personal freedom to protect and provide for them, and believes weapons and violence are what is needed to send the ‘bad guys’ away and protect those freedoms, the way in which they worship is still child sacrifice, even if that effect is a bit more indirect than with Molech. Thus they will become a society who sacrifices their children.

Given all this, here’s one sample conversation you might have with your older kids:

Is this wordier than real-life? Probably. It also might be more than your kid needs in one conversation, and you do pieces of it over many conversations instead.

You might start with:

• I know I’ve told you about the sad news that happened in Georgia (in 2022 it was Texas/New York/Orange County). It can be hard to wonder what God is going to do to help, or why God didn’t act how we’d want.

• One thing about God: God doesn’t control people. God lets people choose who or what they trust. Like, “Who or what makes sure everything is going to be OK?” God hopes we choose to trust God, that God will make things OK. But lots of people don’t. They trust other things to take care of them.

Then ask and talk together about: 

• Let’s think together about what people might trust. What are different ways someone might finish the sentence “Everything is going to be ok, because ___”

• Try for a long, varied list: power, money, being the best at something, popularity, going to a good school or working for an important company, living in a certain place, etc.  Some of the answers are likely good things. You can note how these are things that we can be grateful for, but don’t trust in.

Expand and help think about the implications: 

• If we trust money, will we have an easy or hard time being generous? Why? What if everybody trusted in money, what would that mean for how people treated each other?

• If it would helpful, use others from the list you made together to continue this train of thought.

Transition back to the situation at hand:

• One of the ways many people would complete the sentence we talked about earlier is “Everything is going to be ok, because we live in a country where I have the right to have a gun to keep myself and my family safe." They treat guns like an idol, but like all idols guns don’t give us the life they promised. They make us afraid. They can’t keep us safe every single time. And they bring scary and sad consequences.

You might close with one or more of these ideas:

• God grieves with us. “Since God hopes for the world to work in a way that matches who God is, God feels sad when people choose to trust other things. Trusting those other things, those idols, often has hard, sad, and scary consequences.”

• We can help and hope. “I know it’s hard to see it right now, but God is still inviting us to be part of making a world that works like who God is, and in the end, that’s the only way the world will be. So those of us who are practicing trusting only God do what we can to love and care for others and bring change.”

• The Jesus way does feel foolish. (But it’s not). “It has always been the case that God’s people look foolish for not trusting those idols, or for trusting just God when the world is hard. It looks wimpy or like we don’t ‘get it’. It’s ok if all this about trusting God or hoping for what God promises doesn’t feel true right now.”

They will hammer their swords into plowshares
    and their spears into pruning hooks.
Nation will no longer fight against nation,
    nor train for war anymore.
Everyone will live in peace and prosperity,
    enjoying their own grapevines and fig trees,
    for there will be nothing to fear.
Yahweh Heaven’s Armies has made this promise!

Micah 4:3-4, NLT

Garden tools forged from guns at Alice’s Garden Urban Farm in Milwaukee. Read more here.

Stop and let them respond.

Resist the urge to keep talking and see what comes up for them from there. The conversation may be short or long. You may have it over and over, which just means it’s on their mind. It doesn’t mean you did a poor job handling it.

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Now, here are a few ideas for younger kids, or if this is the first time you’ve processed violence theologically. These are simpler, but true, because:

Something true. At their level. You can build later.

• If your child hasn’t heard what happened, first consider if that needs to be shared or not. For example, will they hear about it at school from someone else? So you might need to share first. Be matter of fact. “Someone came to a school with a gun and hurt and killed some people.”

Let them respond to this first.

• If/once your child knows, maybe you say some or all of these things (depending on what you discern they need and remembering you can add on later):

  • God feels sad with us when things like this happen.

  • God hopes the world works in ways that matches who God is—like loving and gentle and full of life. And God promises it will someday.

  • God invites us to be helpers. So many people who love God are trying to help.

  • What do you want to ask God or say to God right now? Then remember, any response is OK.

It’s a lot. I’m not an expert. But let’s chat in the comments—have questions about this idea? Have a question your kid asked and we can try for a sample script?

• I hope this lens is helpful when these hard conversations have to happen. If you’re more of an audio person or want to dive into this more, I also discussed how understanding idolatry can be relevant in an IG LIVE, again back in 2022, but you can still watch here. It’s about 23 minutes.

• Sharon McMahon has a great piece with a theological lens as well.

• I gave this sermon from the book of Jeremiah a few years back. It speaks a bit more to the ways we are formed by who or what we trust, given that God doesn’t control people.

  

  May the true, good, and life-giving God give you wisdom and words for your specific, special, and dearly loved child.

  Amen.